


I still love him

by going_dangerous



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-01
Updated: 2012-02-01
Packaged: 2017-10-30 11:39:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/331354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/going_dangerous/pseuds/going_dangerous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A simple misunderstanding might hurt one more than anything in the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I still love him

_**Kame’s POV** _

 

He did it again. For the umpteenth time now. I thought it was just a phase, but apparently it wasn’t. He didn’t come home last night. And you think I would be accustomed to this, but no. Again, I spent the whole night crying, waiting for his return, hoping he would still come home, reeking with alcohol and in a bad shape, but still coming back into my arms and saying ‘I love you’.

But it didn’t happen. This time it’s different. I even tried calling him numerous times throughout the whole night, but his phone was switched off. What am I supposed to do, or to think? I tried talking to him a lot of times before, but apparently in vain. I always thought he will revise his behavior and everything would be ok. But he didn’t. It’s like I’m talking to him and he doesn’t hear me. Or he doesn’t want to.

I’m sitting here, sprawled onto my bed, on my belly and a lot of memories pass before my eyes, good and bad ones, all of them from the times we spent together. Yeah, I’m a masochist, still thinking about him at this time. But I just can’t help it. Because I still love him. Maybe he’s not the best choice I could make, and a lot of people disapprove our relationship, and I’ll give you that, he has a lot of flaws, but then again, I have even more of them.

Ah, he finally came home, wearing the same clothes I’ve prepared for him yesterday before he took off to the studio. He’s still the same Jin, the same person whom I care for, but in the same time the person who makes me cry and hurts me every time he does this. He enters our apartment, slips out of his shoes and strolls to the bedroom, with a somehow guilty look on his face. Except that, the same serious Jin as before, maybe a little tired, but nothing different about him. 

He comes inside and finds me still in the same position as before, and I don’t even lift my eyes to meet his. I’m so tired of this, that I don’t even know how to react. Plus, I know that if I made the mistake and take a look into those brown orbs, all the anger and the annoyance I’m feeling would disappear in a flash.

He comes near and sits on the bed’s edge, letting out a couple of ‘I’m sorry, babe’ which, honestly don’t impress me much. I could tell him that I’m sorry too, and that everything is over, but apparently something won’t let me. He put a hand on my shoulder and I firmly shook it away. I don’t even want to see his face in that moment as the guilt might make me forgive him in an instant. Again.

He just sits there, for a few minutes until he starts explaining how he recorded a part of the song and the ideas kept overflowing into his head so he started working on the next parts of the song and he lost track of time. Oh, how many times before I have heard this? Right now it’s just so hard to believe. I’m sure that the next thing he will utter will be that when he realized what time it was, it was already too late and he decided to take a nap right there, at the studio and come back home later, and somehow fresh and rested. And that’s what his next words were.

I knew those words by heart, but believing them was another matter. I just ignored him, not wanting to talk to him or turn to him, because that would be the end of it, as many times before I got lost in his beauty or his charm, or I was charmed by his dazzling smile and forgave him. This time I wanted to be different. This time I wanted him to feel my pain and learn something from it. This time I wanted to be serious.

He uses all of his strength and turns me around, so that I am now sitting onto my back and he’s hovering on top of me. I shut my eyes tightly, in order to avoid seeing him. He pins both of my hands with one of his and caressing my cheek, he asks me to open my eyes. I don’t want to give up, so I firmly shake my head, hoping he will remove his hand from my cheek, or I might really lose myself into his warm and nice touch.

He pleads in a low and sexy voice, uttering words like ‘my love’ and ‘my baby’ that I can’t resist. So I finally open my eyes, surrender, and once again becoming his. He smiles kindly, and looking into my eyes he apologizes once again. I already forgave him as soon as I’ve opened my eyes, but pretend I’m not, wanting to see what he will do next. He repeats the same phrase over and over until the frown on my face disappears. Then, after a ‘thank you, love’ he leans forward and places a sweet kiss on my lips. And, to be honest, that was all I needed. As long as he comes back to me, that’s all I need. I just need him.

 

_**Jin’s POV** _

Off to the studio once again, a routine that I’ve began to like, as long as my muse is still with me. It’s late and I miss him like crazy, but it’s so hard to concentrate at home and make good music. Not when he comes offering me a cup of coffee and the t-shirt slips from one of his shoulders, exposing that magnificent skin I so want to caress and kiss. If it’s not that, it’s always something else. In his way of making me feel comfortable, without any intention, he brings me into a state of deep arousal and extreme horniness, leaving me no way to concentrate on anything else but him. 

I’m not saying that coming here to the studio is my way of avoiding him, more like it’s my way of avoiding jumping on him with every occasion I have, because, after all, everything will eventually lead to that. I need to concentrate on work also, and it’s not my fault that the ideas come rushing into my head, mostly at night, when I can work in peace. It’s like the musical notes twirl around in my head and set themselves in the right position so that I can just write them down. 

As for the lyrics, Kazu is always a good inspiration when it comes to that. And no matter how much I would like to sing about our nights together, the ones in which the passion erupts and we practically eat each other alive, I can’t, so I restrain myself and instead I write about the feelings we share, all kinds, the pleasant ones as well as the bad ones. Because, after all, in a relationship we share the good and the bad, no matter what, always together. I’m sorry Kazu-chan for not being there for you. Again.  
I finally switch off my phone after the third call from Ryo, which interrupts my train of thoughts. I pick up the guitar and touch the strings gently, getting into the mood before actually playing the idea. This time is a song about us. About me and about Kazu. Nothing more, nothing less. 

_**“Said I love you, said I love you  
Said I love you, said I love you  
Face to face  
I’m looking at you in a secret place  
Undress the words so we say nothing fake  
It’s so much better when our words are naked” ** _

It’s coming along well, describing perfectly our relationship; I guess this song is also for him. In the end, they’re all for him, for my Kazu. For my precious one. I let the corners of my mouth curl into a smile, only at the thought of those pouty lips, those chubby cheeks and those brown mesmerizing orbs. His birthday is coming up so I need to finish this one so I can give him yet another song as his birthday gift. That’s why I want it to be perfect. A perfect song for a perfect person. I began recording the first part, a smile lingering on my lips as I still think about him. No matter what I do, he’ll always be a part of my thoughts.

_**“We don’t need space  
I wanna hold you tight again  
For us to feel each other’s hearts at the “right place”  
I guess this is why god made us like this  
Songs sound amazing with you  
Views lose their beauty without you  
It feels like I don’t exist without you baby, without you baby, without you baby  
I said I love you, said I love you, said I love you”** _

I put my guitar aside and with the lyrics still fresh in my head, I begin to write them down. Humming, I scribble the last word on the music sheet and with a satisfied smile plastered on my face, I stretch a bit, chasing the sleepiness away. Maybe I can return now, but taking a quick look at the clock, I think again. It’s already 3 am. There’s a long and tiring way home, so I decide to sleep for a few hours and then go home, to our home, to my Kazu.

_**“I still can’t find any other words than “I Love You”, let our bodies do the talking  
I said I love you, said I love you, said I love you, love you  
I said I love you, said I love you, said I love you  
I still can’t find any other words than “I Love You”, let our bodies do the talking  
I said I love you, said I love you, said I love you, love you  
My body’s talking to you  
Touch my hair  
You’re always telling about a friend we share  
Please believe the moments I were there  
Myself to everyone  
Reminiscing to mark the time”** _

I make my way inside the apartment, kicking my shoes at the entrance and immediately making my way to the bathroom. I see him sprawled on top of the bed, looking at me with the corner of his eyes and a powerful feeling of guild overwhelms me. I sometimes wonder how can I leave him all alone, how can I stay away from him the whole night. But the song’s lyrics pop into my mind and I know he’ll get over it once he’ll hear it. I’m sure he’ll understand everything. It breaks my heart, the sight of him pouting, clearly upset and… with swollen eyes. Did he criy the whole night? Once again that feeling of guilt overtakes my body as I step into the bathroom and let the hot water slide down my body.

_**“Missing your caress  
It makes me feel high again  
You try to take it to your face it’s our love drug  
And this is why you raise your hands like this  
Every time we’re going, you go off  
I can see when you speak to me baby because  
Feels like I am so empty without you baby,  
Without you baby, without you baby”** _

I find him in the same position as before, apparently too upset to even face me. Or is it something else? I approach him slowly and apologize in the sweetest tone I can manage. It’s not easy for me to do this to him, I realize, but it’s much harder for him. I try to touch him, but he brushes me off. Looks like this time I’ve managed to really hurt him. I take my time and explain the whole situation, hoping he will understand. But he doesn’t move, making the guilt grow stronger in every single cell of my body.

I finally manage to turn him around, pinning his hands above his head and straddling him. Oh, how I missed him. I want to straighten things up, but apparently he doesn’t, keeping his eyes closed, once again brushing me off. It hurts only to know him upset, it hurts to feel him close, yet so far away. I bring my free hand to caress his cheek, asking him to open his eyes. I need to touch him, I need to take a look into those deep brown orbs, I need him.

Slowly he finally opens his eyes and my heart melts at the view. I let my lips curl into a smile, probably a guilty one, as the frown on his face clearly shows that we’re not ok. I let out endless words of apology until his expression finally changes. That’s all I need. Those pouty lips which I claim into a kiss, pouring all of my feelings out, showing him that I care. I know that no matter what, the love we have goes beyond words. The strong bond that we share is stronger that any fight we have, that any bad thing that happens to us, just stronger than anything in this world.

_**Talking to you, talking to you…  
Talking to you, talking to you…  
Here we using my mind of melodies  
Used to love you when find your heart worries  
I wish I could rewind this song  
Behold my memories, over and over (and over and over…)  
I still can’t find any other words than “I Love You”, let our bodies do the talking  
My body is talking to you”** _

**Author's Note:**

> Press the Kudos ♥ button if you liked this and let me know what you think. ^^Y


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